I.am.so.tired.
think sit sit sit think
consider now correspond
smile and pretend
10.13.2009
5.08.2009
hobbit song
In high school, I read through the lord of the rings trilogy. The strokes had just released their first album and I was pretty into it; I still dig it, in fact.
The album played pretty much on repeat over and over as I read b/c I would be too enthralled to get up and change the musica.
The album played pretty much on repeat over and over as I read b/c I would be too enthralled to get up and change the musica.
5.01.2009
4.02.2009
4.01.2009
pear story
So I got a free pear from a table in the atrium. I put it in my bag and looked forward to eating it later; maybe before jiu jitsu. I was walking up the stairs at the library. The stairs go have a big gap in the middle where you can look down from the top; or look up from the bottom.
Anyhow, At about the 4th floor, I noticed my right shoe was untied so I bent over to tie it. As I bent over I felt a shift in my bag, like that of a small gnome rustling about trying to get out; it was just the pear. The bag was akimbo on my back and the pear was falling behind me. I reached between my legs with my left arm and tried to catch the pear, but alas, the perilous pear just hit my palm and continued it's death-dance towards the banister.
One bounce, two bounce, disappear. My eyes widen a bit as I quickly scan my immediate memory for signs of anyone being behind me; about three floor behind me. I hear the smack. I look down. The pear is in bad shape. I consider continuing my journey and going up the other two flights to my carrel. I decide against it. As little I knew yon pear, it was my pear, if only for a bit and it deserves better than to be left in such a condition, peary guts scattered about on the first floor landing.
I walk downstairs to the pear. No one else comes in. Everything gets still and silent. The pear's spirit is fleeting, is existence questioned. I reassure it. I pick it and its bits up and make my way to a trashcan. I say goodbye as I see it fall from my hands into the bin.
I got get another free pear and stuff it further into my bag this time.
Anyhow, At about the 4th floor, I noticed my right shoe was untied so I bent over to tie it. As I bent over I felt a shift in my bag, like that of a small gnome rustling about trying to get out; it was just the pear. The bag was akimbo on my back and the pear was falling behind me. I reached between my legs with my left arm and tried to catch the pear, but alas, the perilous pear just hit my palm and continued it's death-dance towards the banister.
One bounce, two bounce, disappear. My eyes widen a bit as I quickly scan my immediate memory for signs of anyone being behind me; about three floor behind me. I hear the smack. I look down. The pear is in bad shape. I consider continuing my journey and going up the other two flights to my carrel. I decide against it. As little I knew yon pear, it was my pear, if only for a bit and it deserves better than to be left in such a condition, peary guts scattered about on the first floor landing.
I walk downstairs to the pear. No one else comes in. Everything gets still and silent. The pear's spirit is fleeting, is existence questioned. I reassure it. I pick it and its bits up and make my way to a trashcan. I say goodbye as I see it fall from my hands into the bin.
I got get another free pear and stuff it further into my bag this time.
3.26.2009
3.25.2009
no FAFSA for me
deadline be damned! I have no intention of attending school for the foreseeable future so, for the time being, the FAFSA has FAFSA-shayed out of my life.
This reminds me of a string of articles I read recently regarding the "difficulty" of filling out the FAFSA. Folks were upset because they found the FAFSA confusing and subsequently a barrier to their supposed-right to attend college. The article went on to note, somewhat critically, the new appearance of an industry of FAFSA-assistants who help families "optimize" their FAFSA forms for a fee.
The whole thing supports my view that some people just don't belong in college. The FAFSA is not difficult. It's a simple exercise in checking yes or no and transferring numbers from one document to another. I admit it can be intimidating; especially for a family encountering it for the first time who is relying on it to provide funds. But it's not hard. It's not.
Maybe it should be harder. It's obviously not stopping more and more people from attending college and driving demand and price up for everyone. I know we should encourage as many people to attend college as we can and that more education is good and yada yada yada (in fact I'm a big fan of education, but more on that in a minute). But most likely, these people struggling with the FAFSA form are not going to have the most illustrious college career anyway (i.e., they won't be able to hack it and will never graduate; and since FAFSA doesn't cover nearly all college costs they may not get a degree but they will get a loan burden!).
And so what to do? Teach these kids. Anyone graduating from high school who finds the FAFSA difficult does not have the bare minimum of skills we should be requiring our high schools to provide. And I don't put the burden squarely on the high schools - what can realistically be expected to do with students who can barely read and write; the burden belongs to the entire educational system.
the end.
This reminds me of a string of articles I read recently regarding the "difficulty" of filling out the FAFSA. Folks were upset because they found the FAFSA confusing and subsequently a barrier to their supposed-right to attend college. The article went on to note, somewhat critically, the new appearance of an industry of FAFSA-assistants who help families "optimize" their FAFSA forms for a fee.
The whole thing supports my view that some people just don't belong in college. The FAFSA is not difficult. It's a simple exercise in checking yes or no and transferring numbers from one document to another. I admit it can be intimidating; especially for a family encountering it for the first time who is relying on it to provide funds. But it's not hard. It's not.
Maybe it should be harder. It's obviously not stopping more and more people from attending college and driving demand and price up for everyone. I know we should encourage as many people to attend college as we can and that more education is good and yada yada yada (in fact I'm a big fan of education, but more on that in a minute). But most likely, these people struggling with the FAFSA form are not going to have the most illustrious college career anyway (i.e., they won't be able to hack it and will never graduate; and since FAFSA doesn't cover nearly all college costs they may not get a degree but they will get a loan burden!).
And so what to do? Teach these kids. Anyone graduating from high school who finds the FAFSA difficult does not have the bare minimum of skills we should be requiring our high schools to provide. And I don't put the burden squarely on the high schools - what can realistically be expected to do with students who can barely read and write; the burden belongs to the entire educational system.
the end.
3.24.2009
secret secret death set set
For posterity's sake - the show we stumbled upon while only innocently seeking some rad 15 year-old baby-yeast pizza or whatever. I knew something was up when I saw the drummer from the Death Set come and casually sit down at the table across from us. WTN.
A great tour and at multiple points in the evening I just wanted to say laterz to work and school and just follow these guys around for the duration.
ninjasonik - tight pants
death set - intermission
.
Argh. I'd post more but the JOOSE has gone to my head and may never come out.
A great tour and at multiple points in the evening I just wanted to say laterz to work and school and just follow these guys around for the duration.
ninjasonik - tight pants
death set - intermission
.
Argh. I'd post more but the JOOSE has gone to my head and may never come out.
3.23.2009
sueno sueno
I had a dream -
I was talking to an alien; named Ozy, I think. He appeared to be a shadow in the form of the human with some glowing light behind him. He asked me if I believed in him. There was a kind of religious subtext to the whole encounter.
I also remember another part of the dream where I was walking down the sidewalk and some guy pushed me off the curb. I tried to get back on the sidewalk but he pushed me down with his leg. Pretty upset now, I tried again and waited for his leg; grabbed his leg and pulled him into the street. I punched him a few times as he rather ineffectively tried to defend himself. His friend up on the sidewalk seemed pretty disappointed in him.
I was talking to an alien; named Ozy, I think. He appeared to be a shadow in the form of the human with some glowing light behind him. He asked me if I believed in him. There was a kind of religious subtext to the whole encounter.
I also remember another part of the dream where I was walking down the sidewalk and some guy pushed me off the curb. I tried to get back on the sidewalk but he pushed me down with his leg. Pretty upset now, I tried again and waited for his leg; grabbed his leg and pulled him into the street. I punched him a few times as he rather ineffectively tried to defend himself. His friend up on the sidewalk seemed pretty disappointed in him.
3.13.2009
present self vs. future self -or- grizzly bear vs. great white shark
interesting little article that reminded me of a topic i've been meaning to discuss.
So, I'm all for living in the present, but I'm afraid it can be much to the detriment of the future self, immediate or otherwise. In fact, it's more likely to be at the detriment of the immediate future self. Even if you're living each day like it's your last, you're still likely to wake up tomorrow. And if you've lived the previous day like your last you're likely not in the best of positions; instead of doing your homework or workwork, you went to the cheesecake factory and some had some pink lemonade. good job.
And present-living-fun-loving you, in addition to screwing tomorrow-you, you're screwing over retirement-you; assuming you even get to retire. Remember, retirement is reserved for folks who have been able to hold down a job. And present-fun-loving-you dropped out of school/got fired to pursue butterfly catching and blowing bubbles. You have no education and no employment.
But maybe it isn't all so bad. Maybe this is the way we're meant to live. Drifting like hobos from flower to flower. Or maybe you can land an awesome job that you happily do over anything else in the world (e.g., video game tester, beer tester, uhh... butterfly catcher?, leave your own examples in the comments!). I suspect however, that having the obligation to do even the funnest of things changes it just slightly; leaves it exposed to being usurped by something else that's almost as fun that you could be doing if you didn't have this damn job...
So... fuck the ever-fleeting present self? Screw future-you?
So, I'm all for living in the present, but I'm afraid it can be much to the detriment of the future self, immediate or otherwise. In fact, it's more likely to be at the detriment of the immediate future self. Even if you're living each day like it's your last, you're still likely to wake up tomorrow. And if you've lived the previous day like your last you're likely not in the best of positions; instead of doing your homework or workwork, you went to the cheesecake factory and some had some pink lemonade. good job.
And present-living-fun-loving you, in addition to screwing tomorrow-you, you're screwing over retirement-you; assuming you even get to retire. Remember, retirement is reserved for folks who have been able to hold down a job. And present-fun-loving-you dropped out of school/got fired to pursue butterfly catching and blowing bubbles. You have no education and no employment.
But maybe it isn't all so bad. Maybe this is the way we're meant to live. Drifting like hobos from flower to flower. Or maybe you can land an awesome job that you happily do over anything else in the world (e.g., video game tester, beer tester, uhh... butterfly catcher?, leave your own examples in the comments!). I suspect however, that having the obligation to do even the funnest of things changes it just slightly; leaves it exposed to being usurped by something else that's almost as fun that you could be doing if you didn't have this damn job...
So... fuck the ever-fleeting present self? Screw future-you?
3.12.2009
codename: celestial
umm... i'm not sure how i feel about this, but i feel like the afterlife (at least, my afterlife) will sound like the olivia tremor control.
3.10.2009
terremoto tuesdays
Umm... I can't wait till spring break. Umm... I am not a grownup -alternatively- I don't care so much about things society has conditioned me to think that grownups care about.
3.09.2009
3.05.2009
3.04.2009
welgal wednesdays
Texas Rules of Evidence - RULE 405. METHODS OF PROVING CHARACTER
(a) Reputation or Opinion.
In all cases in which evidence of a person's character or character trait is admissible, proof may be made by testimony as to reputation or by testimony in the form of an opinion. In a criminal case, to be qualified to testify at the guilt stage of trial concerning the character or character trait of an accused, a witness must have been familiar with the reputation, or with the underlying facts or information upon which the opinion is based, prior to the day of the offense.
- good to know? ignorance is bliss? reputation-cultivators rejoice?
- let's get introspective! -
so... i sense an opportunity to pawn my anonymity-inclined nature off, once again, on the law. I supposedly learned this rule back in the day and maybe, subconsciously, i've been applying it to keep myself clear; i mean, seriously, what kind of opinion will one have formed perusing this (and previous-iterations of) bloggo?
but i can't shake the anonymity so easily. fact of the matter is i've been embracing anonymity (and it's reincarnative-properties) for at least 6 years now (see "bore" back in 2003).
so what's the what? anonymity obviously rocks b/c you can do whatever you want. freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, without being too bogged down by the results. but, there's a rub, a tension, if you're constantly forgetting/erasing the past, even if you are producing a set of principles culled from said past, your principles may lose their substance/foundation that is based in the context of the past. (e.g., "don't wear the white pants" works great as a general rule until you forgot what happened the last time you wore the white pants and you're like, "hmm, why don't i wear these white pants anymore? oh yeah, i've got some rule about it, but why the rule... hmm, can't remember... this is stupid, let's get those pants on") and, destined, we are, to fall into the same white-pants-trap.
So what? Remember everything can be a pain in the ass, but forgetting everything sucks too. Like everything else, the middle way is best - remember your context clues, principle bullet points, why you do/don't do the stuff you do/don't do.
Anyhow, take this! pinche reputation.
a place to bury strangers - my weakness
jean on jean - tonight
cam'ron - i hate my job
(a) Reputation or Opinion.
In all cases in which evidence of a person's character or character trait is admissible, proof may be made by testimony as to reputation or by testimony in the form of an opinion. In a criminal case, to be qualified to testify at the guilt stage of trial concerning the character or character trait of an accused, a witness must have been familiar with the reputation, or with the underlying facts or information upon which the opinion is based, prior to the day of the offense.
- good to know? ignorance is bliss? reputation-cultivators rejoice?
- let's get introspective! -
so... i sense an opportunity to pawn my anonymity-inclined nature off, once again, on the law. I supposedly learned this rule back in the day and maybe, subconsciously, i've been applying it to keep myself clear; i mean, seriously, what kind of opinion will one have formed perusing this (and previous-iterations of) bloggo?
but i can't shake the anonymity so easily. fact of the matter is i've been embracing anonymity (and it's reincarnative-properties) for at least 6 years now (see "bore" back in 2003).
so what's the what? anonymity obviously rocks b/c you can do whatever you want. freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, without being too bogged down by the results. but, there's a rub, a tension, if you're constantly forgetting/erasing the past, even if you are producing a set of principles culled from said past, your principles may lose their substance/foundation that is based in the context of the past. (e.g., "don't wear the white pants" works great as a general rule until you forgot what happened the last time you wore the white pants and you're like, "hmm, why don't i wear these white pants anymore? oh yeah, i've got some rule about it, but why the rule... hmm, can't remember... this is stupid, let's get those pants on") and, destined, we are, to fall into the same white-pants-trap.
So what? Remember everything can be a pain in the ass, but forgetting everything sucks too. Like everything else, the middle way is best - remember your context clues, principle bullet points, why you do/don't do the stuff you do/don't do.
Anyhow, take this! pinche reputation.
a place to bury strangers - my weakness
jean on jean - tonight
cam'ron - i hate my job
3.03.2009
three-fer-tuesday
Three performances - Only one picture of a lil wayne complete with flaming arm of doom.
lil wayne - yeahhh
the walkmen - four provinces
the mae shi - r u professional
p.s. - you're welcome
lil wayne - yeahhh
the walkmen - four provinces
the mae shi - r u professional
p.s. - you're welcome
3.02.2009
stroke of midnight moribund mondays
And as he smiled, worms worked their way towards the dark from between the gaps in his teeth. His decaying hand reached closer, drawing slowly near.
2.27.2009
fiction friction fridays
What do you do when the only thing on the radio is static?
Just go out and buy a new radio right?
But what do you do about all the slow-mutants clawing at your door; just waiting; just sighing as they patiently wait to be let in?
Just go out and buy a new radio right?
But what do you do about all the slow-mutants clawing at your door; just waiting; just sighing as they patiently wait to be let in?
2.26.2009
it's not a reading impediment
I just don't like to sit still for very long?
That and all this fasting is making it harder for me to write good. I mean well. Or do I mean good? ... (minutes later) a brief survey of writings while fasting does indicate a proclivity to write about sad not-fun times and topics while fasting. Believe it!
That and all this fasting is making it harder for me to write good. I mean well. Or do I mean good? ... (minutes later) a brief survey of writings while fasting does indicate a proclivity to write about sad not-fun times and topics while fasting. Believe it!
2.25.2009
The $700 update
It's only $60.87!
But in other news - Wamu has screwed me once again - SXSW tickets are now $165. Wamu, I still hate you.
Even fresher news - I kind of hate SXSW now and their website. Scratch "kind of" and replace with really, truly, physically, aggressively, aggressively physically. Pinche SXSW you are bleeding me by a thousand $1 cuts.
On the lighter side - Hu really ain't that bad and the constant consternation just seems silly now. I mean, look at this guy! Can't help but smile.
On the darker side - lenten rebirth commencing... some will be happy (or pleased, or at least not angry) to know without any outward physical manifestation marking the initiation (no little red dot on my mind).
Giving and taking ups (in no particular order):
- red meat
- regular push ups & sit ups
- going to every class every day
- enjoying, at least a snippet of, every day
But in other news - Wamu has screwed me once again - SXSW tickets are now $165. Wamu, I still hate you.
Even fresher news - I kind of hate SXSW now and their website. Scratch "kind of" and replace with really, truly, physically, aggressively, aggressively physically. Pinche SXSW you are bleeding me by a thousand $1 cuts.
On the lighter side - Hu really ain't that bad and the constant consternation just seems silly now. I mean, look at this guy! Can't help but smile.
On the darker side - lenten rebirth commencing... some will be happy (or pleased, or at least not angry) to know without any outward physical manifestation marking the initiation (no little red dot on my mind).
Giving and taking ups (in no particular order):
- red meat
- regular push ups & sit ups
- going to every class every day
- enjoying, at least a snippet of, every day
2.24.2009
creativity; bounded only by commercial viability
Sorry for the pause in posting!
Internet at the home-front has been on the goose since Thursday-eve; possibility of Mysterio's birthday shenanigans having something to do with it - high.
In other news, my educational aspirations are drying up? I just don't want to study anymore! But did I ever? I feel like sleeping most of the time (a sign of depression!?).
Anyhow, I can't wait till tomorrow - it's Ash Wednesday and I've got big plans (does anyone know where I can buy one of those little red dots to put on my forehead ala estilo Indio?)
Internet at the home-front has been on the goose since Thursday-eve; possibility of Mysterio's birthday shenanigans having something to do with it - high.
In other news, my educational aspirations are drying up? I just don't want to study anymore! But did I ever? I feel like sleeping most of the time (a sign of depression!?).
Anyhow, I can't wait till tomorrow - it's Ash Wednesday and I've got big plans (does anyone know where I can buy one of those little red dots to put on my forehead ala estilo Indio?)
2.18.2009
welgal wednesdays
Alert, Hobos! They can sue you where you lay.
§ 15.039. Transient Person
A transient person may be sued in any county in which he may be found.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 959, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1985.
p.s. - law school has ruined my sense of humor, I think.
and a video, why not -
long train runnin'(microsoft songsmith remix edition) - the doobie brothers
§ 15.039. Transient Person
A transient person may be sued in any county in which he may be found.
Added by Acts 1985, 69th Leg., ch. 959, § 1, eff. Sept. 1, 1985.
p.s. - law school has ruined my sense of humor, I think.
and a video, why not -
long train runnin'(microsoft songsmith remix edition) - the doobie brothers
2.17.2009
reading list
“DMT:The Spirt Molecule”, By DR. Richard Strassman
“The Big Book of Near Death Experiences: The Ultimate Guide to What Happens When We Die” by P.M.H. Atwater
“PSI Spies: The True Story of America’s Psychic Warfare Program” by Jim Marrs,
“The Field Updated Ed: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe”, by Lynne McTaggart
“The Secret Life of Plants” by Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird
“Journey of Souls” & “Destiny of Souls” by DR. Michael Newton
“The Big Book of Near Death Experiences: The Ultimate Guide to What Happens When We Die” by P.M.H. Atwater
“PSI Spies: The True Story of America’s Psychic Warfare Program” by Jim Marrs,
“The Field Updated Ed: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe”, by Lynne McTaggart
“The Secret Life of Plants” by Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird
“Journey of Souls” & “Destiny of Souls” by DR. Michael Newton
2.16.2009
2.13.2009
friction fiction fridays
A scream, traditionally, is an appropriate response to the brush of an extremely large reptile's scales upon your bare leg. But when you're trying to balance a downed power line on the end of a broomstick you're sloppily hoisting over your head while standing in the middle of a deep, dark, dirty, Texas bayou... well... you can probably get away with just a croak and a hard swallow.
2.12.2009
video addendum
Pretty much how I feel all of the time. And sometimes it's expressed in written form (see 2.05.2009).
p.s. - I hate you guy that works at Lava Java. I am and kind and considerate b/c that's my way, but I feel hate and pity for you. booyah.
2.11.2009
bark bark bark
bubblicious - rex the dog
consolidated reflection - continuing with the dog theme... and i need to eat some vegetables... and chewing men's one a day multivitamins is a horrible way to start your day.
2.10.2009
misadventures with my roommate mysterio - adventures in the shrubs
Note, the following description of the past 48 hours are but a taste; a mere taste! of the everyday adventures of your fair author. unfortunately?
So let's get this party started chronologically.
Misadventure #1 - the curious case of the lost zapato
During the course of helping me move my junk from the truck to the apartment, mysterio's dog, who up to this point had been engaged in general supervision, freaks out on some dog. Mysterio, in his haste, pitches what he's holding to take care of the situation. Situation taken care of, he gathers up said pitched goods.
Fast forward 3 hours; return from dinner. Mysterio mentions that he thinks he may have left something outside; I confirm. I am missing a black soccer zapato. It is in the shrubs. And darkness has settled quite in. le sigh.
Misadventure #2 - missing keys and poop
The shoe found, but the adventures just won't quit. Mysterio has left his keys in another city so he borrows the office's copy - a nice little copy with our apt number inscribed. Mysterio, intent on a just-before-closing Radio Shack run, opens the door wildly and stinky darts out - he's halfway down the stairs when Mysterio pitches the key at him. The key bounces off of stinky and into the night. I am mostly unaware of the situation. I hear the key jangle and optimistically assume, because I was not enlisted to look for it, the key must be have been found. Stinky comes back to sit on the couch at stare at me; Mysterio makes way to the shack.
I was wrong. A couple hours later we're back in the night looking for a house key in the shrubs. dammit.
Oh, and the poop-part. Earlier that day, during their run, stinky rolled around in poop which Mysterio initially assumed was mud. This assumption did not last long.
Also of note, Mysterio says stinky won't look people in the eyes. This is only half-way true; stinky does not look people in the eye when Mysterio is around. Stinky stares at me when we're alone. And it scares me.
And then I saw a roach run by. I'm glad I'm not sleeping on the floor anymore.
So let's get this party started chronologically.
Misadventure #1 - the curious case of the lost zapato
During the course of helping me move my junk from the truck to the apartment, mysterio's dog, who up to this point had been engaged in general supervision, freaks out on some dog. Mysterio, in his haste, pitches what he's holding to take care of the situation. Situation taken care of, he gathers up said pitched goods.
Fast forward 3 hours; return from dinner. Mysterio mentions that he thinks he may have left something outside; I confirm. I am missing a black soccer zapato. It is in the shrubs. And darkness has settled quite in. le sigh.
Misadventure #2 - missing keys and poop
The shoe found, but the adventures just won't quit. Mysterio has left his keys in another city so he borrows the office's copy - a nice little copy with our apt number inscribed. Mysterio, intent on a just-before-closing Radio Shack run, opens the door wildly and stinky darts out - he's halfway down the stairs when Mysterio pitches the key at him. The key bounces off of stinky and into the night. I am mostly unaware of the situation. I hear the key jangle and optimistically assume, because I was not enlisted to look for it, the key must be have been found. Stinky comes back to sit on the couch at stare at me; Mysterio makes way to the shack.
I was wrong. A couple hours later we're back in the night looking for a house key in the shrubs. dammit.
Oh, and the poop-part. Earlier that day, during their run, stinky rolled around in poop which Mysterio initially assumed was mud. This assumption did not last long.
Also of note, Mysterio says stinky won't look people in the eyes. This is only half-way true; stinky does not look people in the eye when Mysterio is around. Stinky stares at me when we're alone. And it scares me.
And then I saw a roach run by. I'm glad I'm not sleeping on the floor anymore.
2.09.2009
cry cry cry
la llorona - beirut
how this video makes me feel about things - it makes me like dogs; sometimes?
2.06.2009
friction fiction fridays
With every click, another cut. "Is that an ulcer forming?," I wonder to no one in particular. Or is it a chop? Hacking away at any semblance of a relaxing farewell semester in my adopted city. The old inhibitions came whispering back now. "They're all going to find out you're really an idiot." (Little did you know that proof was already on its way; already around, actually). It was turning into a horrid swan song of a thing, really, this spring.
Click. Click. Click. Chop. Chop. Chop.
"Let me send you this and this, too."
You're writing him a speech; he says let's make it an hour long.
The day drags and gallops on. Aforementioned proof arrives.
Consolation comes in the form of sitting at home determined to write a fairytale revolving around the sultry macerations of the world's greatest Oreo eating tomato. Instead the words that want to come out are the words wrapped around your day.
Click. Click. Click. Chop. Chop. Chop.
"Let me send you this and this, too."
You're writing him a speech; he says let's make it an hour long.
The day drags and gallops on. Aforementioned proof arrives.
Consolation comes in the form of sitting at home determined to write a fairytale revolving around the sultry macerations of the world's greatest Oreo eating tomato. Instead the words that want to come out are the words wrapped around your day.
2.05.2009
contours and colours
"where am I?" I totally wonder sometimes. What is this world, this existence, this reality, this understanding of it; anyway?
and sometimes I don't write good; or perhaps i am too impatient to be particularly precise. If I can't figure it out post-haste, I usually just want to rush past; pretty plain-like.
Anyhow, let's take an example! In that first bit up there, at the end. Upon further reflection I'd rather write it as follows:
"What is this world; this existence; this reality; this understanding of it, anyway?" Because what I'm trying to express is a particular anyway - in regards to our understanding of this world, existence and reality. Not a general and flippant anyway tacked on to the end as some kind of general and lazy transition (which I am often guilty of).
I am also guilty of something else, in regards to communication and conversation. It was pointed out to me earlier this week. Something I say... when asked a question perhaps. It's an evasive-no-answer. But I can't remember what it is... I know I shrug my shoulders a lot. But what I've forgotten is an audible. Umm... perhaps it was that I tend to let out lingering a "well..." when I can't think of what to say or how to answer or I want to avoid answering?
Anyhow, this post has gotten way to personal and trivial. I applaud you if you've made it this far! But no apologies; mr. tusks and I are partial to rolling hard and posting whatever we want. whatevs.
and sometimes I don't write good; or perhaps i am too impatient to be particularly precise. If I can't figure it out post-haste, I usually just want to rush past; pretty plain-like.
Anyhow, let's take an example! In that first bit up there, at the end. Upon further reflection I'd rather write it as follows:
"What is this world; this existence; this reality; this understanding of it, anyway?" Because what I'm trying to express is a particular anyway - in regards to our understanding of this world, existence and reality. Not a general and flippant anyway tacked on to the end as some kind of general and lazy transition (which I am often guilty of).
I am also guilty of something else, in regards to communication and conversation. It was pointed out to me earlier this week. Something I say... when asked a question perhaps. It's an evasive-no-answer. But I can't remember what it is... I know I shrug my shoulders a lot. But what I've forgotten is an audible. Umm... perhaps it was that I tend to let out lingering a "well..." when I can't think of what to say or how to answer or I want to avoid answering?
Anyhow, this post has gotten way to personal and trivial. I applaud you if you've made it this far! But no apologies; mr. tusks and I are partial to rolling hard and posting whatever we want. whatevs.
2.04.2009
under the rain-cote
So mr. tusks elicited at least two comments directed at me; reproduced below:
"That's a small computer. It's cute. This is a big computer."
- followed by a list of the best current reality tv shows.
&
"Wasn't your computer bigger?"
- from a neighbor who asked me a question about Article 9 of the Uniform Commercial Code; specifically section 9-626(b).
And other stuff happened? Hmm... not really?
"That's a small computer. It's cute. This is a big computer."
- followed by a list of the best current reality tv shows.
&
"Wasn't your computer bigger?"
- from a neighbor who asked me a question about Article 9 of the Uniform Commercial Code; specifically section 9-626(b).
And other stuff happened? Hmm... not really?
2.03.2009
meta-sueno
So I thought I was having a pretty pleasant romp around dreamland anoche. no no, say Siskel and Dreambert.
After a rather dramatic dream that included bouts of transience, a radio playing some french music, and a staircase, my dream got a thumbs down? I vaguely remember my dream cutting away as I start to wake up to turn off the alarm. While cutting away I get a sense of two dream reviewers who have generally negative impressions of aforementioned dream.
I think they said it was cliche!
Well fuck those/these guys/subconsciouses! I'ma keep livin' my life and dreamin' my dreams.
After a rather dramatic dream that included bouts of transience, a radio playing some french music, and a staircase, my dream got a thumbs down? I vaguely remember my dream cutting away as I start to wake up to turn off the alarm. While cutting away I get a sense of two dream reviewers who have generally negative impressions of aforementioned dream.
I think they said it was cliche!
Well fuck those/these guys/subconsciouses! I'ma keep livin' my life and dreamin' my dreams.
2.02.2009
holiday weekends
Weekends are for fun and goodtimes; remember it.
Please note that this post is not intended to address the constant beguiling question of whether Sunday is part of the weekend or not. There are excellent arguments for and against, no doubt. But the safest course may be to regard Sunday simply as the sabbath and the let the chips fall where they may. That means no lights on Sunday, and no blessings around naked girls.
Please note that this post is not intended to address the constant beguiling question of whether Sunday is part of the weekend or not. There are excellent arguments for and against, no doubt. But the safest course may be to regard Sunday simply as the sabbath and the let the chips fall where they may. That means no lights on Sunday, and no blessings around naked girls.
1.30.2009
this world is not for us
loli - nous non plus
- Everyone who knows about this probably knows about this; but people who don't know about it should?
clos: this gets a C+ for NSFW-ness.
- I am becoming a less careful reader/writer. dyslexias/dismorphias shining? I don't know. Probably the lack of sleep.
1.29.2009
On frustration and milkshakes
And when I hit a wall, I find I strike mostly brutally out at myself. My frustration-induced appetite for destruction seems only to be satiated by an attack at the heart of me. As if a punishment for having to seep down into that lowly mortal emotion of frustration; I'm rubbing my own face in it. "You've failed and are failing; here, have some more fail."
And so I eat a hamburger, or drink a milkshake. I wallow in the failure and proceed to feeling guilty; hating myself for the whole cycle, repeated once again.
Maybe I should just get a milkshake when I want one and not when I feel like I've failed at something? Am I creating a positive feedback loop for failure? Subconscious wants a milkshake but won't tell conscious b/c knows conscious will rationally will the desire away. Subconscious takes matters into its own hands and triggers frustration to induce feelings of failure. Subconscious gets the milkshake.
Or maybe I just like a milkshake after I fail at something because it makes me feel better? A little bit of store bought happiness; for a bit?
Anyhow, I gotta cut it out. All these milkshakes, awesome steaks, and cupcakes are starting to make my heart hurt.
And so I eat a hamburger, or drink a milkshake. I wallow in the failure and proceed to feeling guilty; hating myself for the whole cycle, repeated once again.
Maybe I should just get a milkshake when I want one and not when I feel like I've failed at something? Am I creating a positive feedback loop for failure? Subconscious wants a milkshake but won't tell conscious b/c knows conscious will rationally will the desire away. Subconscious takes matters into its own hands and triggers frustration to induce feelings of failure. Subconscious gets the milkshake.
Or maybe I just like a milkshake after I fail at something because it makes me feel better? A little bit of store bought happiness; for a bit?
Anyhow, I gotta cut it out. All these milkshakes, awesome steaks, and cupcakes are starting to make my heart hurt.
1.28.2009
note to self
Ate a chorizo and papas taco from tacodeli this morning and now my stomach doesn't feel so hot. The constant praise tacodeli receives inclines me to blame my stomach rather than tacodeli.
But riddle me this: tacodeli, can you do no wrong?
And I skipped class this morning! Which in retrospect was a good idea. H's piercing eyes and probing questions make me throw up in my mouth a little already; can't imagine what would happen in my current condition.
But riddle me this: tacodeli, can you do no wrong?
And I skipped class this morning! Which in retrospect was a good idea. H's piercing eyes and probing questions make me throw up in my mouth a little already; can't imagine what would happen in my current condition.
1.27.2009
it's a celebration - rabbit hole day 2009
Today started rather oddly.
As I reached under my pillow for breakfast, my feet began to sink through the floor again. I didn't let it bother me too much. I grabbed hold of the banana just as it began to bloom.
Falling faster through the floor, I hugged the radiating fruit close to my chest; its hot-light beginning to engulf my field of vision. Two meandering cats stumbled by and paused to watch a cohort of five of my fingers grasp clumsily at a last bit of carpet. They reflected on Voltaire and the Holy Roman Empire. The left pinky finger detected the rumblings of an oncoming altercation as it whispered goodbye to the carpet.
The light has engulfed me now. Angels and angelic visions dive to and through me. My atoms start to wrap themselves around me or whatever unifying features are left. They're speaking Spanish, these atoms. And one surly fellow demands a refund.
The pressure on your elbows demands your attention. You can feel it creep up your forearms and nestle in around your wrists.
As I reached under my pillow for breakfast, my feet began to sink through the floor again. I didn't let it bother me too much. I grabbed hold of the banana just as it began to bloom.
Falling faster through the floor, I hugged the radiating fruit close to my chest; its hot-light beginning to engulf my field of vision. Two meandering cats stumbled by and paused to watch a cohort of five of my fingers grasp clumsily at a last bit of carpet. They reflected on Voltaire and the Holy Roman Empire. The left pinky finger detected the rumblings of an oncoming altercation as it whispered goodbye to the carpet.
The light has engulfed me now. Angels and angelic visions dive to and through me. My atoms start to wrap themselves around me or whatever unifying features are left. They're speaking Spanish, these atoms. And one surly fellow demands a refund.
The pressure on your elbows demands your attention. You can feel it creep up your forearms and nestle in around your wrists.
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